I live on Abenaki land in Vermont, USA. I'm here as an HSP learning to heal. I've also recently started EMDR and I've found it life changing. I'm not at all practiced in identifying or sharing my feelings so that is a work in progress. I just recently found a movement practice in reformer Pilates which helps me a great deal but I think my advice is to find a movement practice you want to do.
I also get into aggressive scheduling when feeling overwhelmed or sad. I plan vacations next year as well as how I can accomplish what I need to in the next few weeks. I'd love some suggestions on crafting things. My goal is something I won't want to throw away afterwards.
I love your comment on self-regulation instead of distraction. I'd like to get more regular with my journal practice and welcome some tips or prompts.
Nikki, I FEEL you on aggressive scheduling -- particularly the scheduling of trips -- as a way to channel my fight or flight impulses. I call this aspect of myself "Cruise Director Stacy." I think Stacy hit a career peak while I was working as a community manager for Yelp, and I've had to walk it back ever since, because at some point, "rest and digest" needs to take over, and that was hard to do in that role. I love your notes about finding movement practices (and embodied practices like EMDR) to facilitate this shift. And I'll definitely keep in mind the invitation to share more crafting and journaling suggestions in this space if it would be of benefit. Perhaps those could also be future thread prompts...
Hi and thank you to everyone sharing in the potluck. Thanks Ryan for hosting, decorations are lovely--you've nailed the vibe. I live on Wappinger/Lenape land in NY. I am still learning what exactly HSP means, but I am familiar with a few things that have gotten me through the holidays. Consider this my holiday designed cups and snowman paper plates offering at the table.
Thanksgiving cooking and Christmas cards in the past have stressed me out. So I've adapted my approach so I can enjoy them.
Cooking, keeping it low-risk and adventurously away from traditional pressures. We've adapted our Thanksgiving tradition into preparing the turkey a new way each year. We've done Tur-ham (ham stuffed turkey), Turkey wellington, and Turkey pot pie. We then get to daydream about what methods we may try in the future, smoking, deep fry (hopefully without fire), etc. This has turned a daunting bake, into something I look forward to, releasing expectation and obligation. To be honest we've loved the Turkey Pot Pie so much we've done it for 3 years in a row--but we still hold hope for our Turkey corndogs one day.
Christmas Cards: I use plain brown cards/envelopes, POSCO markers, Pentel Brush pen, and good ol' fashioned Crayola to doodle our Christmas cards. Inside, I write a brief message and include a picture of us from our phones. Its an opportunity to work with physical media, and practice not being self-critical. Its not going to be the prettiest thing, nor the most professional so I already have to let go of how it looks and focus on the the person I'm sending it to. Some years I've used one design for everyone, other years I've drawn different renditions of snowmen, trees, holly etc per card. Last year I enlisted the help of my 18 month old. He would scribble with whatever implement he could find and I would treat it as a holiday Rorschach test--translating his colorings to whatever holiday scene it reminded me of. It takes a long time, I won't lie. Some cards go out late, and I average only a few a night. I put all the card making tools in a tote so its easier to pull out and doodle while I have a cup of coffee or watch a show. I've found it helps me pause in a time that can feel so rushed.
Wishing everyone a calm, mindful and joy filled holidays.
Shannon, I dream of one day trying your turkey pot pie. And I'm so inspired by your experiences with including your little guy in your Christmas card traditions by building on his designs rather than imposing your vision on them. I also think that keeping everything handy in a tote is brilliant. Our version of this has become our "Thank You Tree" -- a photo wall we built last night of every person in our "village." Neil colored a sparkly paper, and we worked together to cut out stars for toppers. He and I still had a few "miscommunications" around exactly how much sticky-tack one reasonably needs for a single photo, but he seems to be enjoying the fruits of our labor today -- talking about the special people in each photo and smiling at the memories. We also hope to send the photos -- if not perfectly designed cards -- to the people involved throughout the year. If not for the holidays, there's always Valentine's Day I guess, no? :)
Thank you for this lovely invitation to your potluck, Ryan! I live on Abenaki land in northern New Hampshire, USA.
One of the therapeutic tools I use as a life coach is called parts work. It’s a process of identifying and understanding the different parts of ourselves, including our manager parts that protect us by trying to hold everything together, our firefighter parts that turn to our favorite vice when we are under stress, and our exiled inner child parts that carry fear and shame.
As a practitioner, I am trained to guide clients through a process of getting permission from the protecting parts to go heal the inner child parts, which allows the protectors to relax and gives the client more access to their core Self. When we acknowledge and heal these parts of ourselves, they can take on new roles that support rather than hinder our growth and development.
It’s really powerful work, and it’s best done with a skilled coach or therapist. I’ve had clients say they released decades of shame in a single session with me, which made everything in their lives easier.
I have limited availability these days because I am focused on my writing, but I’m happy to talk to anyone who is interested and wants to learn more. My coaching website is www.lizmedford.com, and I’m available to chat via DM at www.instagram.com/_lizexplores.
Liz, I'm so happy to have you at this virtual potluck, and wish it could be held IRL! My partner and I have found such enormous value in parts work. I definitely think it's best undertaken with someone else to hold space as you do -- but it can be so helpful to name how those parts are interacting when you're having a moment of tension with someone you love. Because we contain multitudes! I might have a very conscientious Wise Self who easily feels compassion for others when they're struggling to bring their best selves to the table, but my firefighter self will absolutely flip that table under the same conditions (while my younger self would rather hide under it). Knowing that our moments of inconsistency (and those of our loved ones) stem from these competing survival strategies -- which all have their time and place -- can help in so many ways. Are there any points of entry you'd suggest for people to explore this on their own?
This is a great way to distill parts work, Ryan! How cool that you practice it. I would love to hear more about what works best for you.
I am trained in several modalities. Positive Intelligence is an easy-to-digest parts-work practice. I run a six-week course from time to time, but folks can dive in on their own with Shirzad Chamine’s book.
The more nuanced version of work is Internal Family Systems therapy (IFS). There are several books about IFS self-therapy. The key is noticing each part when it comes up and building a relationship with it. For the deeper healing and unburdening, though, I think it’s important to work with a trained practitioner.
Josh, always! Also, since you're always a treasure trove of musical and/or comedy recos, would love to know if there's anything you'd share here along those lines that serves as your own source of "comfort food" when it comes to helping yourself to maintain your "former preschool teacher" levels of chill and kindness. (Because honestly, WHAT is your secret?) I'm thinking here about our shared love for Badly Drawn Boy's "Four Leaf Clover"...
I don't celebrate Thanksgiving, but I'm grateful for this opportunity to chat about transitions and (one of my favourite topics!) feelings .
I'm based in Dublin, Ireland.
My primary tool to guide myself through transitions (& most things in life) is writing. I have a lightly adapted morning pages practice that has been part of my life for many, many years. I've always found it useful to get my thoughts/feelings/messy insides OUT of my body and onto the page. From there, I can make a path forward. Or I can see what I need. Or I can try to move towards acceptance of whatever circumstances I'm in. For me, writing is always the first step toward trying to feel better.
When writing doesn't work, when language fails me or my intellectual side isn't going to be the one to lead, I rely on art projects. For a season, I made collages because that was the most accurate way to capture my chaotic, overlapping contradictory mind. I drew cartoons (or at least tried to!) and well, I guess the technical term would be scribbled?, or what could generously be called an attempt at modern art? For me, it's always about getting the mess that's inside me out onto the page. If words can't do that, art often can.
Thanks for asking. I'm curious to hear your answer too, Ryan!
Clare, I share your love for morning pages. (For those interested: https://juliacameronlive.com/basic-tools/morning-pages/) And for collage! Before my partner and I got married, we'd make playlists for each other on CDs (#eldermmillennials) and make collages on the covers. I still keep "cool" magazines and art books for the ever-elusive time when I can begin this practice again. I agree with you that sometimes we need fragmented art for times when we ourselves feel fragmented.
Beyond this, I think what helps me feel regulated, as a sensory-seeking HSP, is a healthy diet of both familiar and novel experiences, set in safe surrounds. Familiar supports that I try to use every day include meditation practices (either self-guided or using Insight Timer), exercising in a rhythmic way that is bilaterally stimulating, akin to EMDR (i.e., walking outside in our nearby woods, a huge privilege, or using my indoor bike or treadmill), and having a turndown routine at night that includes a heating pad, which is seems to be the sleep cue my body likes best. In terms of novel experiences, our family's shared play language is definitely exploring and travel, so we try to plan outings to new places, either in NYC (which is about 25-30 min away depending on traffic) or up north in NY's Hudson Valley, and we love road tripping to beautiful places a bit further afield, like the Catskill and Berkshire mountain ranges, or the beaches of Massachusetts and Rhode Island, north of us. I also just tried something called Dance Church?! Which felt like an extremely safe way to shake it, without fear of folks invading my "bubble," and at a very convenient time for me as a tired parent (2pm!). While I went to the IRL version in Brooklyn, it appears they also have remote classes that can be taken from anywhere... https://go.dancechurch.com/
One travel dream I have is to visit Dublin, actually -- I have ancestors who hail from all over British Isles. I'd love to know what fall looks and feels like where you are!
I live on Abenaki land in Vermont, USA. I'm here as an HSP learning to heal. I've also recently started EMDR and I've found it life changing. I'm not at all practiced in identifying or sharing my feelings so that is a work in progress. I just recently found a movement practice in reformer Pilates which helps me a great deal but I think my advice is to find a movement practice you want to do.
I also get into aggressive scheduling when feeling overwhelmed or sad. I plan vacations next year as well as how I can accomplish what I need to in the next few weeks. I'd love some suggestions on crafting things. My goal is something I won't want to throw away afterwards.
I love your comment on self-regulation instead of distraction. I'd like to get more regular with my journal practice and welcome some tips or prompts.
Nikki, I FEEL you on aggressive scheduling -- particularly the scheduling of trips -- as a way to channel my fight or flight impulses. I call this aspect of myself "Cruise Director Stacy." I think Stacy hit a career peak while I was working as a community manager for Yelp, and I've had to walk it back ever since, because at some point, "rest and digest" needs to take over, and that was hard to do in that role. I love your notes about finding movement practices (and embodied practices like EMDR) to facilitate this shift. And I'll definitely keep in mind the invitation to share more crafting and journaling suggestions in this space if it would be of benefit. Perhaps those could also be future thread prompts...
Hi and thank you to everyone sharing in the potluck. Thanks Ryan for hosting, decorations are lovely--you've nailed the vibe. I live on Wappinger/Lenape land in NY. I am still learning what exactly HSP means, but I am familiar with a few things that have gotten me through the holidays. Consider this my holiday designed cups and snowman paper plates offering at the table.
Thanksgiving cooking and Christmas cards in the past have stressed me out. So I've adapted my approach so I can enjoy them.
Cooking, keeping it low-risk and adventurously away from traditional pressures. We've adapted our Thanksgiving tradition into preparing the turkey a new way each year. We've done Tur-ham (ham stuffed turkey), Turkey wellington, and Turkey pot pie. We then get to daydream about what methods we may try in the future, smoking, deep fry (hopefully without fire), etc. This has turned a daunting bake, into something I look forward to, releasing expectation and obligation. To be honest we've loved the Turkey Pot Pie so much we've done it for 3 years in a row--but we still hold hope for our Turkey corndogs one day.
Christmas Cards: I use plain brown cards/envelopes, POSCO markers, Pentel Brush pen, and good ol' fashioned Crayola to doodle our Christmas cards. Inside, I write a brief message and include a picture of us from our phones. Its an opportunity to work with physical media, and practice not being self-critical. Its not going to be the prettiest thing, nor the most professional so I already have to let go of how it looks and focus on the the person I'm sending it to. Some years I've used one design for everyone, other years I've drawn different renditions of snowmen, trees, holly etc per card. Last year I enlisted the help of my 18 month old. He would scribble with whatever implement he could find and I would treat it as a holiday Rorschach test--translating his colorings to whatever holiday scene it reminded me of. It takes a long time, I won't lie. Some cards go out late, and I average only a few a night. I put all the card making tools in a tote so its easier to pull out and doodle while I have a cup of coffee or watch a show. I've found it helps me pause in a time that can feel so rushed.
Wishing everyone a calm, mindful and joy filled holidays.
Shannon, I dream of one day trying your turkey pot pie. And I'm so inspired by your experiences with including your little guy in your Christmas card traditions by building on his designs rather than imposing your vision on them. I also think that keeping everything handy in a tote is brilliant. Our version of this has become our "Thank You Tree" -- a photo wall we built last night of every person in our "village." Neil colored a sparkly paper, and we worked together to cut out stars for toppers. He and I still had a few "miscommunications" around exactly how much sticky-tack one reasonably needs for a single photo, but he seems to be enjoying the fruits of our labor today -- talking about the special people in each photo and smiling at the memories. We also hope to send the photos -- if not perfectly designed cards -- to the people involved throughout the year. If not for the holidays, there's always Valentine's Day I guess, no? :)
Thank you for this lovely invitation to your potluck, Ryan! I live on Abenaki land in northern New Hampshire, USA.
One of the therapeutic tools I use as a life coach is called parts work. It’s a process of identifying and understanding the different parts of ourselves, including our manager parts that protect us by trying to hold everything together, our firefighter parts that turn to our favorite vice when we are under stress, and our exiled inner child parts that carry fear and shame.
As a practitioner, I am trained to guide clients through a process of getting permission from the protecting parts to go heal the inner child parts, which allows the protectors to relax and gives the client more access to their core Self. When we acknowledge and heal these parts of ourselves, they can take on new roles that support rather than hinder our growth and development.
It’s really powerful work, and it’s best done with a skilled coach or therapist. I’ve had clients say they released decades of shame in a single session with me, which made everything in their lives easier.
I have limited availability these days because I am focused on my writing, but I’m happy to talk to anyone who is interested and wants to learn more. My coaching website is www.lizmedford.com, and I’m available to chat via DM at www.instagram.com/_lizexplores.
Liz, I'm so happy to have you at this virtual potluck, and wish it could be held IRL! My partner and I have found such enormous value in parts work. I definitely think it's best undertaken with someone else to hold space as you do -- but it can be so helpful to name how those parts are interacting when you're having a moment of tension with someone you love. Because we contain multitudes! I might have a very conscientious Wise Self who easily feels compassion for others when they're struggling to bring their best selves to the table, but my firefighter self will absolutely flip that table under the same conditions (while my younger self would rather hide under it). Knowing that our moments of inconsistency (and those of our loved ones) stem from these competing survival strategies -- which all have their time and place -- can help in so many ways. Are there any points of entry you'd suggest for people to explore this on their own?
This is a great way to distill parts work, Ryan! How cool that you practice it. I would love to hear more about what works best for you.
I am trained in several modalities. Positive Intelligence is an easy-to-digest parts-work practice. I run a six-week course from time to time, but folks can dive in on their own with Shirzad Chamine’s book.
The more nuanced version of work is Internal Family Systems therapy (IFS). There are several books about IFS self-therapy. The key is noticing each part when it comes up and building a relationship with it. For the deeper healing and unburdening, though, I think it’s important to work with a trained practitioner.
Aww thank you for the shout out!
Josh, always! Also, since you're always a treasure trove of musical and/or comedy recos, would love to know if there's anything you'd share here along those lines that serves as your own source of "comfort food" when it comes to helping yourself to maintain your "former preschool teacher" levels of chill and kindness. (Because honestly, WHAT is your secret?) I'm thinking here about our shared love for Badly Drawn Boy's "Four Leaf Clover"...
I'm not a big rewatcher, but I've been going back to Detroiters lately!!!
I don't celebrate Thanksgiving, but I'm grateful for this opportunity to chat about transitions and (one of my favourite topics!) feelings .
I'm based in Dublin, Ireland.
My primary tool to guide myself through transitions (& most things in life) is writing. I have a lightly adapted morning pages practice that has been part of my life for many, many years. I've always found it useful to get my thoughts/feelings/messy insides OUT of my body and onto the page. From there, I can make a path forward. Or I can see what I need. Or I can try to move towards acceptance of whatever circumstances I'm in. For me, writing is always the first step toward trying to feel better.
When writing doesn't work, when language fails me or my intellectual side isn't going to be the one to lead, I rely on art projects. For a season, I made collages because that was the most accurate way to capture my chaotic, overlapping contradictory mind. I drew cartoons (or at least tried to!) and well, I guess the technical term would be scribbled?, or what could generously be called an attempt at modern art? For me, it's always about getting the mess that's inside me out onto the page. If words can't do that, art often can.
Thanks for asking. I'm curious to hear your answer too, Ryan!
Clare, I share your love for morning pages. (For those interested: https://juliacameronlive.com/basic-tools/morning-pages/) And for collage! Before my partner and I got married, we'd make playlists for each other on CDs (#eldermmillennials) and make collages on the covers. I still keep "cool" magazines and art books for the ever-elusive time when I can begin this practice again. I agree with you that sometimes we need fragmented art for times when we ourselves feel fragmented.
Beyond this, I think what helps me feel regulated, as a sensory-seeking HSP, is a healthy diet of both familiar and novel experiences, set in safe surrounds. Familiar supports that I try to use every day include meditation practices (either self-guided or using Insight Timer), exercising in a rhythmic way that is bilaterally stimulating, akin to EMDR (i.e., walking outside in our nearby woods, a huge privilege, or using my indoor bike or treadmill), and having a turndown routine at night that includes a heating pad, which is seems to be the sleep cue my body likes best. In terms of novel experiences, our family's shared play language is definitely exploring and travel, so we try to plan outings to new places, either in NYC (which is about 25-30 min away depending on traffic) or up north in NY's Hudson Valley, and we love road tripping to beautiful places a bit further afield, like the Catskill and Berkshire mountain ranges, or the beaches of Massachusetts and Rhode Island, north of us. I also just tried something called Dance Church?! Which felt like an extremely safe way to shake it, without fear of folks invading my "bubble," and at a very convenient time for me as a tired parent (2pm!). While I went to the IRL version in Brooklyn, it appears they also have remote classes that can be taken from anywhere... https://go.dancechurch.com/
One travel dream I have is to visit Dublin, actually -- I have ancestors who hail from all over British Isles. I'd love to know what fall looks and feels like where you are!