Are you going big, going home – or both?
It’s an honor to bear witness to your grief, Ryan. You and your daughter are in my thoughts. ❤️
Your question of longing is timely for me, as is your share of Jade’s essay on the tyranny of infertility and longing to escape. As you know, I’ve been writing about this too on my Substack. I’m at the end of the road with my fertility treatments, and because I have to do something to keep moving life forward, I’m buying a camper van this weekend and scheming on driving it to Alaska this summer in the fulfillment of another long-held dream (one that wouldn’t be possible were I pregnant now). I’m craving that spaciousness and freedom after being chained to my monthly cycles for the past three years. I’m also making space to grieve and discern my next steps, whether childlessness, egg donation, or adoption.
Thank you for putting beautiful words to my longings!
Sending to love to you Ryan and your family for Saule’s birthday and the inevitable associated grief anniversaries. I thought you’d like to know that my passion flower has spring to life again - a few weeks back I was sure it was for the bin! I think my longing for this summer is to allow myself to not know it all (the future I’ve been slaving away at for years) and be pleasantly surprised x