When I read the headline, I instinctively agreed that "parenting is a lesson in tolerating uncertainty" though it's also true very true of the pre-parenting season of deciding whether or not to have children either biologically or in another way. I find myself living in a deep uncertainty that I'm sometimes comfortable/accepting of and other times feel petrified by. I've been wanting to rush through it and just make a decision already, but I also know that whatever decision I/we make will lead to thousands of other decisions and each of them might warrant another pro/con list, another season of living in the middle of not-knowing.
Thank you for your writing, Ryan - it always makes me think 💕
So very true of the pre-parenting phase, which we don’t talk about enough. I’ve been listening to uncertainty a lot in this season myself. It has its own wisdom to offer, and like you, I have to be in a certain kind of receptive mindset to listen, which is not always ;) Fwiw, my earlier posts this year on “Windows Open, Windows Closed” and “The Longing vs The Call” grew out of this season. Maybe one of those might speak to you too.
Hi Clare, your comment is so spot-on! I can absolutely relate to your feelings. Before my husband and I started trying to get pregnant with our first, I made multiple (very detailed) pros and cons lists. I even came up with my own system of "weighting" the individual items on each list so that it was as accurate as possible. However, making the list often left me feeling even more confused about my decision. I think all of the mulling was really just an attempt to gain some sort of control. Ultimately, I had to put it all away and learn how to "listen to my heart" or "follow my gut/intuition" which is much easier said than done -- especially for someone who wants to research everyyyyything :|
Thanks Lauren. I’ve abandoned the pro/con list and have adopted a more “feel your way forward” approach. Mixed results, but it feels like the only way!
Loved reading this, Ryan.
When I read the headline, I instinctively agreed that "parenting is a lesson in tolerating uncertainty" though it's also true very true of the pre-parenting season of deciding whether or not to have children either biologically or in another way. I find myself living in a deep uncertainty that I'm sometimes comfortable/accepting of and other times feel petrified by. I've been wanting to rush through it and just make a decision already, but I also know that whatever decision I/we make will lead to thousands of other decisions and each of them might warrant another pro/con list, another season of living in the middle of not-knowing.
Thank you for your writing, Ryan - it always makes me think 💕
So very true of the pre-parenting phase, which we don’t talk about enough. I’ve been listening to uncertainty a lot in this season myself. It has its own wisdom to offer, and like you, I have to be in a certain kind of receptive mindset to listen, which is not always ;) Fwiw, my earlier posts this year on “Windows Open, Windows Closed” and “The Longing vs The Call” grew out of this season. Maybe one of those might speak to you too.
https://ryanroseweaver.substack.com/p/meditation-windows-open-windows-closed
https://ryanroseweaver.substack.com/p/journaling-prompt-the-longing-vs
Thank you Ryan, I'll check them out!
Hi Clare, your comment is so spot-on! I can absolutely relate to your feelings. Before my husband and I started trying to get pregnant with our first, I made multiple (very detailed) pros and cons lists. I even came up with my own system of "weighting" the individual items on each list so that it was as accurate as possible. However, making the list often left me feeling even more confused about my decision. I think all of the mulling was really just an attempt to gain some sort of control. Ultimately, I had to put it all away and learn how to "listen to my heart" or "follow my gut/intuition" which is much easier said than done -- especially for someone who wants to research everyyyyything :|
Thanks Lauren. I’ve abandoned the pro/con list and have adopted a more “feel your way forward” approach. Mixed results, but it feels like the only way!